Sources close to the Yankees are reporting to PartMule that they have signed a relatively unknown, controversial young Iraqi pitcher named Bill “The Sunni Sidewinder” Hussein. The move comes on the eve of the Yanks big early season death-match series with the Red Sox this weekend.
The Sidewinder came out of no where to completely dominate the Fallajuh Clay Hut League the past two years, where he dominated with a deadly sinker ball that has uncanny, major league movement. Although rumors have swirled around him of doctored baseballs, assisted by strange powders and aerosols, and of a sorted past cavorting with leaders of the fallen Saddam Hussein regime (ironically, he is a third cousin of the fallen dictator). Nonetheless, the Yankees saw an opportunity to sign a big league arm already weeks into the 2007 season.
The unsavory rumors have been rebuked by Hussein’s agent Drew Rosenhaus, one of America’s top sports agents, who said, “look, the guy just has terrific stuff! All this talk of this and that, agents and WMD’s, yada yada yada, are a farce. He’s just a young man who deserves an opportunity to perform on one of the world’s biggest stages, Yankee Stadium. And, for $10 million a year, did I mention that? Thank you.”
The Red Sox responded by having a pre-series pep rally where they dressed up actors to look like Don Zimmer and reinacted the 2003 beat down of the then 72 year old. Local youngsters were given the day off school to attend the event.
