The masses will soon be shelling out $6.95 for “Fantasy News” at the local 7-11 to get the insight into this year’s crop of fantasy football players — ultimately tearing out only 2 rankings sheets from the 200 page periodical.
Mind you, there are ONLY 69 days until the 2007 football season kicks off on September 6th….sooo, I’d like to present my Top 10 list of things to watch out for as you select your squad this summer:
#1 - Check the police blotter to see if any of your players have assaulted, innocently smuggled marijuana in car trunks, or pulled wifes/girlfriends downstairs by their hair this off-season.
#2 - Check PETA, not the falafel sandwich bread but the animal protectors, to be sure your players are not on the “Betta Fish Abuser” watch list.
#3 - Do not do your draft in Vegas, drink 15 Coors Lights poolside, forget your draft cheat sheet as your race to some knuckleheads draft room, and then end up selecting Artose Pinner with your first pick.
#4 - Make sure that your player has his head on straight. That he has not appeared on celebrity websites this off-season, dating multiple supermodels, and inseminating at least one. **Hint: Could be a guy from New England**
#5 - Make sure the player’s team has had less than 10% of its players arrested this off-season. **Hint: CINNCINNATI BENGALS!!**
#6 - Do a Google on “Police Football Player Urinating Stripper Las Vegas” and do NOT draft any players in the result set. **Funny as shit, I did this search and came up with Maurice Clarett!**
#7 -Do not let one of your knucklehead coach’s friend show up to make their picks for them while they vaca in Disney World or some shit. This will inevitably be the clown that is trying to scratch off his player list yelling, “Alge Crumpler was the pick?! Is he a quaterback or running back?!”
#8 - Do not over-anxiously add/drop your entire team before the season starts on 9/6/07.
#9 - Pick good players on good teams. Honestly, this is my only solid advice here.
#10 - Have fun and take it down this year!!
