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Thu 8.02.07
Athletics can be simple. Pick the right career path and you’re golden. Hang back, collect the loot, and you might just pick up a hot babe or two while your at it. Banging home 6 to 7 figures for minimal physical effort is money. Literally, figuratively, and in yo pocket…
Here’s my List of Easiest Jobs in Professional Sports:
 
 
- MLB Pinch Hitter: Swinging a piece of wood — that’s not a broom — every other day, or so, is my kind of PT job in athletics. Manny Mota was a pinch hitter extraordinaire for the L.A. Dodgers back in the 1970’s that never sniffed the field — yes, I know, only later in his career. His speciality was to get a hit in a clutch part of the game (record 150 pinch hits in his career), not have to take a post-game shower, and hit the bar later for a delicious mojito.
 
- Dart Tosser: Throwing a pointed object at a target surrounded by cork is a fuckin’ cake-walk. Beer and chicken wings are included. Not sure who the fat, ugly champion of this sport is to ridicule, so I’ll only say that I’m sure he/she is very sweaty with a pot belly.
 
- Soccer Goalie: You can smoke weed, be a hippy, protect a scoring rectangle from 2 to 3 shots a game, and eventually be a GM in soccer — L.A. Galaxy’s Alexi Lalas. Additionally, growing up, you can bond with your Cheetos throwing Soccer Mom at those Thursday afternoon games. But, don’t confuse this with a ice hockey goalie. That shit is on ice, which is hard, and hurts like the dickens!
 
- Mixed Doubles - Man: Any man that plays professional mixed double tennis is a pimp. Johnny Mac figured this out, playing with Stefi Graf until he was 65-years-old or something. The points last all but three seconds, and in-betwen shots you get a peck on the cheek from an ugly dike. You tell me what’s more simple.
 
- Poker - On the Button: Sitting back, letting it come to you, throwing away that 4-6 suited. What a chill athletic job, no? Poker is all about position — not that I take my own advice — and with patience and a Xanax you can do lots of damage sitting with the white round thing in front of you. Easy as taking candy….
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Comments
Dutch on August 2nd, 2007 at 12:54 pm #
Bullpen Catcher! Not only easiest but best job in professional sports.
Slim on December 24th, 2007 at 1:52 am #
Lalas was a defender, not a goalie.
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tim duncan on February 22nd, 2008 at 8:48 am #
it is true that goalies smoke alot of tree but its not the easiest job its actually pretty difficult.
drew on July 10th, 2008 at 5:46 am #
lalas was a full back not a goalie, nice article …not
PartMule on July 10th, 2008 at 7:44 am #
thanks for the soccer lesson, fag.
