Since the Patriots dance with 19-0, the world has been waiting a couple of fortnights (in contemporary times….that’s 28 days…go figure) for the latest athlete, performer, stripper person to call “perfect”.   In case you haven’t noticied, Tiger Woods has been the latest pole grinder athlete we can truly call “perfect”.  He’s been annihilating the competition with a precise golf game that is sickening…

As Woods continues to dominate the modern game, questions will again be asked of his closest rivals and their inability to challenge him more consistently in the big events.

Already arguably the greatest player in history, Woods has sympathy for any suggestion his peers are underachieving in their bid to “step up”.

“It’s probably more offensive to them because it’s not like they’re not practicing at home,” said the 32-year-old American. “We’re all trying to improve. We’re all working extremely hard to get better.

“People just don’t understand that. Look at what some of the guys do in the off-season, getting more fit, getting stronger, more flexible. I think it is a shot at them a little bit.” [link]

Tiger has got the life.  The model wife, the new child, the pectoralis majoris, a few zillion dollars floating around the world’s banks….and now flirting with a perfect season?  

Of course, a perfect season in golf is absurd….but, hey, he’s crushing the odds already by landing a model wife with looks that rival a Mongols.  That speaks volumes for his tenacity….AND I’m not about to doubt he couldn’t golf perfectly.

Happy Valentine’s Day! 

In honor of if this stupid-ass, contrived, consumer draining day in which we honor the woman in our lives — OK…I’m equal opportunity…or the guy your banging savagely from behind — I thought you’d like to know that OJ Simpson has a girlfriend – she’s 32 year old Christie Prody (the one above with the two midgets slammed into her dress).

Apparently, Miss Prody has a severe boo-boo on her head that OJ was maybe, possibly, allegedly, probably not involved in an incident where Prody “slipped and fell” at a gas station in Miami-Dade.  

The incident happened Monday morning near Southwest 88th Street and 99th Avenue, and Prody was taken to Baptist Hospital’s intensive care unit, a Miami-Dade police information report shows.

Officers went to the hospital Tuesday to speak with Prody’s mother, who told them Prody and Simpson recently returned from a trip to San Antonio, where they attended a Super Bowl party. Local media there reported Simpson sightings around town, including what he ate at a sushi restaurant with friends.

They didn’t fly together because Prody ”was unable to fly back with [Simpson] due to being intoxicated and having a dog on the flight,” according to the police report.

During the interview with police, Simpson advised this officer that [Prody] was intoxicated and always falling down during the duration of their stay in San Antonio.” [link]

She’s obviously a winner.  I guess OJ has the pick-of-the-litter with his history of alleged decapitation, armed robbery, and tireless searches/crossing the horse racing tracks of America to find the culprits of his wife’s murder.  What drunken bimbo that travels with her poodle wouldn’t be swoon by a cat like OJ?  

Oh….was OJ involved in her head being bashed?  He’s vehemently denying it….and it appears there’s no connection.  Details HERE

Tom Brady and Gisele Buttmunch Bundchen are seen above on vay-cay in Costa Rica, chillin’ at Gisele’s pad trying to get over the Patriots Superbowl loss/the worst choke in American sports history.   [PageSix]

Umm….did I mention that THE PATRIOTS F*CKIN’ CHOKED….THE BIGGEST IN SPORTS HISTORY….EVER….IN SPORTS…IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND EVENTS….WORSE THAN NAPOLEON AND HITLER IN RUSSIA COMBINED!!

And….Mr. Terrific….your supermodel hussy girlfriend – that was balled for years by Leo D. – is average at best!  If you don’t believe me, check out what Mr. Hand might have said HERE.

The YouTubeage above is of Bill Walton attacking Shaquille O’Neal on his injuries and his potential impact being traded to the Phoenix Suns. Followed by a round-house bitch slap by The Big Ordinance Maker. 

First things first….Bill Walton is a kook.  He reminds of a derelict you might find in the bushes outside a head-shop in SF’s Haight-Ashbury district…you know the guy….the one with the 1985 boom-box rocking out to Credence Clearwater Revival for 35 years…the guy who should have never have reached the century mark in acid trips….who speaks in tongues and mumbles incoherently.

I know….it’s really unfair of me to use my Dad as an example so often on this site!  Sorry, Pops.  I love you for all your quirkiness.

Reggie Bush was in San Diego yesterday to give a deposition in a suit filed against him by a sports marketer over monies Bush allegedly received while at USC.  Details of the suit are HERE.  However, the meeting never got started due to intimidation by Bush and his bodyguard, which included flashing a gun in the conference room prior to the deposition.

Lloyd Lake, a San Diego businessman and sports marketing agent who says he gave Bush and his family illegal payments and gifts while he was attending USC, left Bush’s local attorney’s offices here about 20 minutes after he and his attorney, Brian Watkins, arrived Tuesday morning.

Watkins said he objected to David Cornwell, Bush’s attorney, having an unidentified armed man present in the conference room for the deposition.

“It was outrageous,” Watkins said. “Never in my 12 years of litigation have I ever encountered anything like this. Cornwell elected to bring a friend with a gun to the deposition. And I would not allow my client to be intimidated and go forward under those circumstances.” [link]

I can’t believe this whole mess will end well.  Seriously….not just with Bush’s Heisman trophy and USC’s national championship being revoked, but with former gang-member wannabe sports agents (that Lloyd Lake dude) and guns flying around in hearings….ya gotta think this could get real underworld ugly.  

I’ve seen Boyz in the Hood and Ricky (Morris Chestnut) didn’t even get to play a single down at USC!  Not even Doughboy could save his little bro…I still think Tre was a little bitch for not taking part in that revenge hit!

The Roger Clemens HGH bus arrives on Capitol Hill for what will be a very intriguing day of denials, finger-pointing, wife speed bumps.   Former teammate, workout partner, and buddy Andy Pettitte has testified that Roger Clemens did in fact take HGH, having admitted to it in conversations dating back to the late 90’s:

The Associated Press, quoting a person familiar with the affidavit, said Pettitte’s testimony detailed a conversation between the Yankee pitchers nearly 10 years ago - in which Clemens admitted to Pettitte he used human growth hormone.  [link]

Ahhh…not so fast.  The Rog is claiming there was a misunderstanding — that in fact he was discussing his wife Debbie’s use of the hormone

Pettitte said in the affidavit that he asked Clemens in 2005 what he would do if asked by the media about HGH, given his admission years earlier.

According to the source, the affidavit said Clemens responded by saying Pettitte misunderstood the previous exchange in 1999 or 2000 and that, in fact, Clemens had been talking about HGH use by his wife in the original conversation.  [link]

Man….that’s hardcore!  I mean, who hasn’t thrown their wife under the bus for a burnt casserole, gettin’ pulled over for a DUI and switching seats (after two years, and a week in jail, she’s finally speaking to me again), and a fart slip at a dinner party (now that was funny!).  But, this is over the top!  AND my wife gets upset over my little boy’s night out tomorrow at the Hustler Club?!   Geez.  It is our normal second Thursday of the month!  F*ckin’  Valentine’s Day Hallmark holiday! 

UPDATE:  CLEMENS DENIES HGH AND STEROID USE THIS A.M. ON CAPITOL HILL.  CLAIMS BODY IS “HIS TEMPLE”.  NOT SURE IF HE’S REFERRING TO THE INCREASE SIZE OF HIS MANDIBLE/TEMPLE OF HIS HEAD FROM HORMONES.  I’LL GET CONFIRMATION LATER.  [LINK]

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