www.PartMule.com » Blog Archive » TIGER WOODS NAMED FITTEST AMERICAN

Tue 5.20.08

Because we know the magazine Mens Fitness is the absolute authority on American fitness — and all that is wrong with my exercise regimen and diet — I feel uncomfortable writing about their take on Tiger Woods as the fittest American in….well….America.

The June/July 2008 issue has named him to the top of their fittest list, edging out the likes of Barack Obama and Chef Curtis Stone (huh?!). Some of the reasons they’ve anointed Tiger:

Because he made us care about a sport we didn’t think was, well, a sport.
Because he raised the bar and made pro golfers care about winning again.
Because he made himself better, even while he was clearly the best.
Because he’s walking history.
Because even the icons say he’s the best.
Because he loves the gym.
Because he’s the first golfer we’ve ever thought of as an athlete.
Because he has a bangin’ hot wife.
Because he has all the toys.
Because he’s making all the money.
Because he’s the first golfer who’s jacked, and has the balls to show it off.
Because, quite simply, he kicks everybody’s ass, and could probably have done it in any sport.
Because when the shot matters most, he just sticks it.
Because he gets even better when challenged.
Because he embodies the best in all of our cultures.
Because we love the fist pump. (Did we say he has a bangin’ wife?)
Because we can’t stop watching him.
Because he is the bar.
For all these reasons, we recognize Tiger Woods as the 2008 Fittest Guy in America. [LINK]

Just so you know, all those “Because” reasons are ~~really gay~~ straight from the mag and ~~really gay~~ completely lame. I’m not sure why I’m even giving this thing legs by writing about it…but I just happened upon the article when I was looking for a unique way to ~~be really gay~~ blast my biceps for the upcoming Memorial Day weekend.