With fuzzy little yellow balls being smacked around at Wimbledon this month, officials have become fed up with flying rats…umm….pigeons dumping on the spectators. So, as a deterrent, flying marksman….umm…hawks…had been deployed to scare the shitting menace from the sky. But…it didn’t quite work. So, real marksman have been hired to shoot the crappin’ beasts from the area.
The hawks are our first line of deterrent, and by and large they do the job,” Wimbledon spokesman Johnny Perkins said.
“But unfortunately there were one or two areas where the hawks didn’t deter the pigeons, so it was deemed necessary to take a harder approach,” he explained.
The marksmen were summoned by Wimbledon as pigeon droppings on the restaurant tables were thought to be a health hazard.
The decision to call in the marksmen was condemned as “cruel and illegal behavior” by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, which complained to the tournament organizers and the police. [Story]
And you thought PETA would turn a blind-eye, didn’t ya? That maybe a more lenient PETA might just realize that flying rats are a scourge on our society…that the shitting bastards shouldn’t be allowed to shit, crap, and disease lay all-over the place. But, nooooooo…apparently PETA feels pigeons should live on the Earth, unscathed like all God’s creatures, and that we should be relegated to vegan-pigeon substitute product on our dinner tables! Sick PETA bastards!
