GISELE and JEFF SPICOLI

Yes.  I’m making the call.  Without stilettos and lingerie, Gisele is pretty darn average.   Sorry if I offend.  Her nappy-head and bark-chewing beach style reminds me of one of my all-time favorite on screen characters — Jeff Spicoli.  

Some classic Jeff Spicoli quotes:

“All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I’m fine.”

“Certainly there’s nothing wrong with a little pizza on our time.”

“People on ‘ludes should not drive.”

“This is U.S. History, I see the globe right there!” 

A lil’ drunken/danked separated at birth for your weekend pleasure…. basically Separated At Birth with a Drinking Impairs Judgement twist.

Toronto Raptor’s Chris Bosh over-danked.  Yo, “eyes open!” Big Daddy!  

And Pookie from New Jack City losing it outside The Carter.

Steeler’s Jeff Reed hammered in Florida back in ‘07.  This is an NFL kicker?!

And the Man, the Weesel, Pauly Shore.   Surprisingly, I believe he’s sober there.

Tamba Bay Buc’s QB Jeff Garcia – obviously after a few cocktails with that pose.  

 Oh….the creature on the right is the winner of 2006 Ugliest Dog Contest, Sam.   Yes, it is real.

The winner of the 2006 Ugliest Dog, Sam.  

Oh….the creature on the right is Courtney Love.  Yes, she is real.

The Geico Caveman and Steve Na…..oops, sorry, left to right I mean Steve Nash and the Geico Caveman.   Oh, Steve Nash is pictured with Dirk Nowitzki, his former Dallas Mavericks teammate, and another random dude with a large mandible.

The Land of the Lost Sleestack and Dirk Nowit…..oops, sorry, left to right I mean Dirk Nowitzki and the Land of the Lost Sleestack.   Oh, there’s that dude again with the large mandible.

THANKS TO DRUNK ATHLETES FOR USE OF THE PHOTOS.

Paris Hilton and other creatures that spread their legs a lot.

Cameron Diaz playing a mother who shaves her head to support her ill daughter in “My Sister’s Keeper”.  Diaz didn’t actually shave her head….she’s wearing a bald cap.  Story HERE.  A better story and cause HERE.  We miss you, little buddy. 

Dr. Evil ruling the free-world.  Extorting millions billions of dollars.

1)  The same terrific hair stylist.  Trust me, the whole peach fuzz thing is tough to master by a trained stylist.  I really like the work done here.

2)  Both are seasoned, sub-par analysts.  Packer, of course, a has-been that called games horribly way-back in the 70’s.  Yoda missed that whole Sith Lord/Anakin/Darth Vadar empire thing….almost f*cked up the whole universe.

3)  Speak sometimes both in tongues, yes.

4)  Both assert a sort of cockiness that can be really f*ckin’ annoying.  I dread the kind of Packer stuff we’ll get in this year’s tournament right HERE…umm…impartiality not in the vocab.

5)  I may be speculating on the Packer side, but I’m fairly certain both had supporting Hobit roles in The Lord of the Rings.

6)  Each reportedly enjoys a delicious tossed salad from time to time….Yoda tosses amphibians.  Packer tosses colleagues salads (wink, wink).

7)  Separated at Birth.  Yup…out on a limb with that call.

8)  Each really needs a nice spa day…a soothing citrus facial scrub, followed by deep tissue work and a Cambodian style happy ending.  

9) Both will never die and/or retire.  Oh wait….did Yoda die?   Well….actually he didn’t!  He still floats around with Ben Kenobi in that far-out psychedelic Jedi state….I assume Billy and Dick Vitale will do the same in the future….

10) Both love themselves WAAAY too much to ever go away….little green bastard!  And Yoda too!

Dusty Baker’s infant son wants to play whiffle ball during Game 5 of the 2002 World Series.  Cry for attention?  Dirty diaper? 

Mack Brown’s infant step-son just wants to play catch.  Cry for attention?  Dirty diaper?  Not to be insensitive here, but how ’bout settin’ the poor kid up in the locker room with some legos and a juice box before someone gets hurt.