Tiger Woods is back after winning his own tournament on Sunday, the Chevron World Cup

I love this time of year!  Nothing like Hannibal enjoying a nice chianti with his face eating pal, the smell of 8 hours of ass-to-couch contact after 26 hot wings on a humid Sunday in early September NFL heaven, and Al Davis continuing to make football decisions  — practicing voodoo and/or asking for more jello.

BUT…I’m not sure what is more tragic?   The resemblance of the two creatures above.  Or the evolution of the OSU destroying creature below left, Terrelle Pryor,  morphing into what was the creature on the right, Jamarcus Russell!  

ONLY  DAAAA RAIDDDERRRS!  

It wouldn’t be the end of the year on PartMule without posting something on our beloved inbred Brits.  Well, my extensive research to find something wasn’t difficult.  Easy as googling “over hyped Brit” or “bi-sexual inbred soccer star” or “husband of a former pop band artist that looks a lot like the delicious fruit called an orange” (see HERE).   After this search, I found this tidbit on uber hyped David Beckham

British soccer star David Beckham said in a newly-filed lawsuit that he never had sex with a prostitute who claimed she had a threesome with him in 2007, TMZ reported Thursday.

Beckham, who plays for the L.A. Galaxy of the MLS, filed a $25 million lawsuit against Irma Nici and “In Touch Weekly” magazine, which published Nici’s claim in September.

The married Beckham accuses Nici of fabricating the entire tale, calling her claims “unequivocally false.”

Nici claimed that in August 2007 Beckham paid for sex with her and another prostitute, and said she had been with the former Manchester United star five times in all.

Beckham, 35, said in his filing that the allegations caused him and his family “great anguish and emotional distress.” Beckham has been married to former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham since 1999 and the couple have three sons.  (Thanks NY POST)

Come on, man!   Beckham is obviously in “make it go away” mode.   It’s pretty obvious he’s been slapping more ass, for more years, than an Obstetrician.   Hey, if you were married to the deteriorating creature called Posh – that somewhat resembles a wax exhibit (HERE) — could you blame him?

I’m still amazed that Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez are an “item”.  Trippy stuff.   Above on vay-cay in Mexico recently with A-Dad’s kids.

And you know what is almost as trippy?  A bald ape.   Like the one below.  Ok. Bye!

Kansas City Chiefs will be starting Brodie Croyle for injured starter Matt Cassel this Sunday vs. the Chargers.   You may remember when America was introduced – up-close and personal — to Brodie and his silicone endowed wife Kelli  back in ‘07 during the HBO series Hard Knocks.    

We’re just thrilled to have a new bank of sideline shots of Knockasauras rex wife Kelli and her hard knocks.  She endeared herself to the country with her sassy style and her ability to touch her nipples to her chin without use of bra or hands.   Weather in San Diego is expected to be in the 80’s on Sunday…so look for dem midgets to make an appearance!

Terrible.  You just plain suck as a head coach.  Just pathetic and what really sucks about how bad you suck is that you don’t know that you suck.  Well….Norv.  Baby.  You f’n suck!  The suck-meter is pegged out.  If you have sewing needles near, poke ‘em in your eyes… then suck on them.  Nearby pliers?  Yeah,  consider a yank to the gonads to sober you up from your suck denial.  You should take up drinking.  Piss yourself until your pants are sopping wet.  We’d feel sorry for you and — at least — say you suck because you’re a drunk, not because you just suck.  

I did some research to come up with other coaches in history that suck more than your lame ass.  It was difficult, because you suck such a high hard one…..it was rough, tough, suck pickings….but,  below is a list of potentially suckier coaches over the years:

Dennis Hopper – Hoosiers

This drunk was in the Norv ballpark of suckiness, and just slightly worse because he pissed himself and showed up at his kid’s game hammered, in front of a full gym….and was hospitalized with the shakes.   That sucks.   I wish Norv would do that at Qualcomm so we could run him off.   Maybe after a few more despicable losses he’ll just randomly urinate when discussing how bad his coaching sucks.  

Steve Martin – Parenthood

If you recall, Steve Martin played the father of that kid who had anxiety issues and couldn’t catch a fly ball.   Yeah, he sticks the sucky kid in right-field anyway and the kid drops an easy fly ball to lose a game.  Ring a bell Norv?  Special teams suckiness    Just throw the guys out there and see what happens.   Both strategies suck.   Though, the kid on Xanax in right field might take the suck-cake.

Billy Bob Thorton – Bad News Bears

You suck as an actor.  And you banged that stick fig chick…what’s her name?  Oh, that’s right…..Angeline Pitt.   Yeah, that sucks.  I’m sure the scabies are gone by now.  And Walter Matthau blew you away in the role of Buttermaker….he was a much better mentor, drunk, coach…..but you’re probably just slightly better than Norv.  Because Norv just sucks.

Cobra Kai – Karate Kid

Your dojo just plain sucked.  You can’t train Johnny Lawrence to take down Daniel LaRusso in the All Valley Tournament?!  Pathetic. And sucky effort.  You’re “strike first, strike hard, no mercy” strategy was a real winner! You should throw “and suck later” to that slogan.  And to top it, Mr. Miyagi throws the whip-ass on you after the tournament?!   Pretty impressive brand you got there…AND you couldn’t get a 17 year-old to sweep a leg…really?!

But, nonetheless,  Norv’s got you whooped here…cause.  Norv. YOU SUCK.

I’m sure many of you can empathize with this one. Complete awesome-ness. Very accruate…to the “I smell poo…” Except, that stank is usually me from rolling out of the casino….Southwest Airlines, and then after a dirty-dirty Whopper w/cheese…

All you cereal eaters in the greater Cincinnati area be forewarned.   Bengal’s Chad Ochocinco wants to Feed the Children via cereal boxes promoting a phone-sex line!   WTF…you might say?  It’s about time…other’s might say?   Only Ochocinco I’d say.  Here’s the details:

Charity-minded callers are getting intercepted by a phone-sex line because of a typo on Chad Ochocinco’s(notes) Cereal boxes.The phone number is supposed to connect callers to Feed the Children, which benefits from sales of the Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver’s cereal. But the box has the wrong toll-free prefix, meaning callers get a seductive-sounding woman who makes risque suggestions and then asks for a credit card number.

Cincinnati-based Kroger Co. said Thursday it was pulling all Ochocinco cereal boxes from its grocery shelves because of the error. Some local stores had them on special display after the launch about a month ago.

Umm…yeah.  Copyediting anyone?

I’ve posted this before, but it seemed appropriate as we all reflect on how far Kobe has come.  Back in the day, Mr. Kobe Bryant used to display his skill and prowess on the courts of Southeast Asia.  Far cry from the courts of Oklahoma City, Salt Lake City, Phoenix and…umm…Boston? 

Rumor has it that after the Finals, Kobe is going to break-off these Tibetan dudes below.  Get his Himalayan swerve on.  But don’t get too Manila style overconfident, Kobe… I hear the Dalai Lama has a mad cross-over dribble and was recruited heavily out of high school by Duke, but had to attend to that whole spirtual thing.  I know….typical Tibetan cop-out.

You May Enjoy These PartMule Tidbits:
CHINA LOVES DEM SOME TIBETANS
WORLD’S HAIREST MAN BIDS TO CARRY BEIJING TORCH
ARE THE CHINESE PLAYING MOTHER NATURE?

BILL RAFTERY and VERN LUNDQUIST enjoy a little small talk during a time-out break during the Elite 8…

BILL :  “You know, Verne. That was a wonderful 60 oz. t-bone last night. I especially loved the mayonaisse glaze. Now, it wasn’t just your ordinary mayonaisse glaze. But using the Best Foods brand made it simply to die for. And, speaking of which, how was your appointment with the cardiologist today? I know, I know. Damn them celery sticks to hell!”

VERNE:  “Bill, Did I ever tell you about the steak I had at the Ramada Inn by the airport in Gary, Indiana? They did this thing where they infused a 5″ thick prime rib with gravy and surrounded the meat with half sections of twice baked potatoes drizzled with clarified butter and gouda cheese…all served on a large pewter wagon wheel. I fell asleep at the table and they just brought a large comforter and tucked me in and I slept the night away in that lovely velour booth.”