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DEREK JETER ONLY BATTING .060? SHAMEFUL?

Thu 5.08.08

Man-whore Derek Jeter may have a career batting average hovering around .317, but he needs to work on his skills scoring with the ladies to improve on his .060 man-tastic average, right? How can that be? You ask…

Well, apparently, Jeter has only banged 6 of Maxim’s upcoming Hot 100 list….or a whopping .060 average [Source]. Which actually, in man-tastic terms, is unbelieveable! It’s kinda like hitting for the cycle in every MLB game, collecting a triple-double in every NBA game, and scoring 10 touchdowns in every NFL game. Dude is a certified celebrity fornicating machine.

Here’s the list of the 6 lucky ladies to make the Post-Jeter Date Pharmacy Stop:

Mariah Carey - She’s on fire alright. Rub dirt on it. It’ll also reduce swelling.

Jessica Alba - the winner HERE! Winner of herpes too….HERE.

Jessica Biel - not even the hottest Jessica. But looks damn good HERE.

Gabrielle Union - I say God Damn! She said it too after a week of Jeter-itch.

Scarlett Johansson - Hot as ever like HERE! Well recovered from Jeter trauma.

Vanessa Minnillo - From Jeter douchebagedness to Lachey simpyness.

(2) Comments | Read more about: Gabrielle Union, Vanessa Minnillo, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Derek Jeter, Hot Ladies!

DEREK JETER IS BECOMING A GENTLEMEN

Tue 10.16.07

Yanks’ Derek Jeter is a ~~sex-God~~ great host to his many ~~whores~~ house guests that he brings back to his ~~bachelor bang shack~~ lovely Miami penthouse in the off-season. Apparently he even includes validated parking. This from Page Six:

Our spy in the lobby of the Shore Club in Miami early Sunday morning spotted “two scantily clad women screaming at the front desk because they had spent the night at Jeter’s penthouse and were then charged for parking.”

“The girls were wearing what looked like the same clothes they wore the night before - a tight cocktail dress and a mini-skirt. They were making a huge scene because they were asked to pay for parking.

“Obviously, they’d spent the night there,” giggled the onlooker, who noted that one of the overnight guests was screaming into the phone, “After last night, he’d better [bleep]ing take care of it!”

After a bit of insistence, “they eventually left happy. I assume he paid for their parking after all,” said our snitch. [LINK TO STORY]

This new and improved attitude toward woman is nice to hear. I understand when he was dating Mariah Carey he would have her wash and wax his car before she could leave the premises. This, mind you, after she returned from Starbucks with a delicious venti house-blend and pumpkin scone.

Note: Photo above left is of Jeter’s family. No, not some kinky four-way related to the story. Sickos! Photo above right is of a mutant plastic woman. No, not a hot chick. Sickos!