Photos from the San Diego Union Tribune

The South Course at Torrey Pines will be playing host to the U.S. Open next month and was flexing its muscle this week with amateurs having a hack (and another, and another….) with the championship conditions in place.

The 7,643 yards of immense, tantalizing fun was experienced this week by four particular San Diegan’s you might be interested in.   San Diego Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers, Chargers coach Norv Turner, former San Diego Padre and Hall-of-Famer Tony Gywnn, and Hall-of-Fame motocross racer Broc Glover.   All of which might rather have slept in on this day….[Source]

Philip Rivers - Score 99 (3.5 months off of ACL surgery)

“I can’t imagine playing in the U.S. Open. I’d much rather have a football helmet on.”

“Gol-ly!” – Rivers’ strongest curse word. “I’m three steps off the fairway and I’m buried.”

Eyeing the quarterback that got him to last year’s AFC Championship Game, Turner warned in a fatherly tone, “Don’t hurt yourself.” 

Tony Gwynn - Score 119 (3.5 months straight eating a dozen donuts/day….as discussed HERE)

“The distances are unbelievable….we’re going 120, 140 yards behind the blues. I hit a couple of shots today that barely made it to the regular tee.”

Norv Turner - Score 115 (3.5 months since he’s been vindicated for being a simp of a coach….as discussed HERE)

“It gives you so much appreciation for the pros,” Turner, 55, said. “On TV, everything looks so easy. There are some impossible shots out there.”

Broc Glover - Score 94 (3.5 months since I never heard of the guy before)

“It was definitely very, very difficult….But I’d go right back out there and do it again today. And I’d do it again tomorrow morning, too.”

The course is 300 yards longer than any Open course in history and the amateur foursome played from the championship boxes.  

It should fun in the sun (well, So. Cal June gloom) at Torrey in five weeks.  I look forward to stumbling around the course, Coors Light in hand, and yelling absurd comments like “You Da Man!”, “It’s In The Hole!”, or “I Like Men!”  All of which are, frankly, as gay as the next….

Other Stories of Interest on PartMule:
TONY GWYNN AND DONUT HAVE HALL OF FAME CONVERSATION
CRY ME A RIVERS
NORV, YOU SUCK

NORV TURNER’S FISH DINNER WITH SHAWNE MERRIMAN 

Norv Turner grabs Shawne Merriman for a quick conversation after the Chargers get back from Jacksonville late Sunday night….

NT: “What a week, huh? I continue to suck donkey d*ck and you got lit up like Chinese firecracker by that Jags midget. How ‘bout a nice fish dinner this week?”

SM: “F*ck you, Norv. I hate you.”

NT: “Come on, big daddy. Nobody but the entire free-world and five Iranian’s with satellites saw you take that hit…..[Click Here for More]

UPDATE:  Chargers sucked out a Sunday night win.  Norv continues to suck.   That’s why I brought back this sucky post to showcase my ability to sink to incredibly low, sucked up writing levels. 

Terrible.  You just plain suck as a head coach.  Just pathetic and what really sucks about how bad you suck is that you don’t know that you suck.  Well….Norv baby….you suck.  The suck-meter is pegged out.  If you have sewing needles near-by consider poking them in your eyes and then suck on them.  Nearby pliers?  Yeah,  consider a yank to the gonads to sober you up from your suck denial.  You should take up drinking and piss yourself until your pants are sopping wet….then we’d at least feel sorry for you and say you suck because you’re a drunk, not because you just suck.   How does it feel to suck so bad?  I did some research to come up with other coaches in history that suck more than your lame ass.  It was difficult, because you suck such a high hard one…..it was rough, tough, suck pickings….

Below I have a list of potentially suckier coaches over the years:

Dennis Hopper - Hoosiers

This drunk was in the Norv ballpark of suckiness, and just slightly worse because he pissed himself and showed up at his kid’s game hammered, in front of a full gym….and was hospitalized with the shakes.   That sucks.   I wish Norv would do that at Qualcomm so we could run him off.   Maybe after a few more despicable losses he’ll just randomly urinate when discussing how bad his coaching sucks.  

Steve Martin - Parenthood

If you recall, Steve Martin played the father of that kid who had anxiety issues and couldn’t catch a fly ball.   Yeah, he sticks the sucky kid in right-field anyway and the kid drops an easy fly ball to lose a game.  Yeah, that’s kind of like Norv’s game plan strategy for the Vikings.   Just throw the guys out there and see what happens.   Both strategies suck.   Though, your kid on Xanax in right field might take the suck-cake.

Billy Bob Thorton - Bad News Bears

You suck as an actor.  And you banged that stick fig chick…what’s her name?  Oh, that’s right…..Angeline Pitt.   Yeah, that sucks.  I’m sure the scabies are gone by now.  And Walter Matthau blew you away in the role of Buttermaker….he was a much better drunk and coach…..but you’re probably slightly better than Norv.  Because Norv just sucks.

Cobra Kai - Karate Kid

Your dojo just plain sucked.  You can’t train Johnny Lawrence to take down Daniel LaRusso in the All Valley Tournament?!  Pathetic. And sucky effort.  You’re “strike first, strike hard, no mercy” strategy was a real winner! You should throw “and suck later” to that slogan.  And to top it, Mr. Miyagi throws the whip-ass on you after the tournament?!  Sorry, but Norv’s got you whooped here…..this is definitely the all-time suckiest coaching performance in the history of suckiness coaching.

The experience of being force fed a healthy serving of ‘rookie running back humble pie’ has left the San Diego Chargers shaking their ego’s and wondering WTF happened to them?   Prior to Sunday’s thrashing by Purple Jesus Adrian Peterson, he of 296 yards….and 3 TD’s….and unreal quickness…, the Chargers were riding high coming off three straight wins and regaining some of their 2006 swagger. After yesterday,

 ”We’re not an elite team at all,” LaDainian Tomlinson said. “We’re a team that’s in the middle of the pack and we’re struggling trying to win games.”

“I think you can try to blame it on Norv Turner, but I would love to see him go out and try to tackle somebody right now,” Shawne Merriman said.

How about blaming it on defensive coordinator Ted Cottrell?

“I would love to see Ted try to tackle somebody right now,” Merriman said. “The 11 players on the field are the ones who have to tackle. The coaches cannot go out and tackle for us.”  [LINK TO STORY]

I love it when athletes equate the rigors and the execution of their jobs with fans, owners, the media and coaches.  Yeah, Shawne, I agree.   The frickin’ last thing I want to see is Norv Turner fighting off a block and foolishly trying to arm tackle an explosive running back.  We, the fans, pay to watch you do that.  And man, did we get our money’s worth on Sunday!

The underachieving 2007 Chargers just made the play they should have made during the off-season.   With the Randy Moss Patriots and Terrell Owens Cowboys off to stellar, explosive downfield starts, the Chargers pulled off ‘Marty firing timing’ by waiting until the NFL’s week 7 to make a move on a top receiver, Miami’s once all-world Chris Chambers.   Here are some details,

The Chargers today made a bold move to upgrade their receiving corps, sending a second-round draft choice in the 2008 draft to the Miami Dolphins in exchange for Chris Chambers….

Chambers, 29, is in his seventh season out of Wisconsin and is signed through 2009. In his second and third seasons, his offensive coordinator was Norv Turner, now the Chargers’ head coach.

“Chris is an explosive, talented player and I’m thrilled to have an opportunity to work with him again,” Turner said today in a statement released by the team.  He’s a very consistent player and he has big-play ability. We think he can add to what we’re doing on offense.

“The bonus for us is that he’s familiar with the system. It should be a quick and easy adjustment for him. We expect him to come in and be productive right away.” [LINK TO STORY]

Yup, Yup….keep my seat warm at Qualcomm.   We’re going to be playin’ late into the year….AND they stole the dude from the dismal Dolphins….AND he has experience in the Charger offense schema.   AND signed through 2009…..AND he’s only 29-years-young.

Yup, Yup….I don’t even think Norv will be able to screw this one up.   

(gulp)  

More:  And There Goes Chambers 

Mule Feels Better Now:  Chargers and Tomlinson in 2007