Anthony Keith Gwynn (Mr. Padre) was inducted into baseball’s Hall of Fame on Sunday with family, friends, and ex-teammates present to witness the hot, glorious day in Cooperstown, NY.
One much-maligned-over-the-years guest that couldn’t help but be sprinkled with joy over the Famer and his accomplishments was his good old buddy the Donut.
PartMule was privvy to a conversation the two had at the event, discussing the long road to the The Hall and their mutual affection for each other:
DONUT: Well, buddy, we showed ‘em, didn’t we.
GWYNN: Dude. Would you please just get out of my life once and for all! Despite your tempting flavorful ass, I made it to today. I’m trying to move on.
DONUT: Tone. Bro. Come on. Easy on the hostility. I have to think that my influence on your physical make-up was an intregal part on the type of player you became. Your swing, swagger, and recognition as the fattest man to play the game — John Kruk aside — can be directly attributed to me.
GWYNN: Ah, yeah. I might of hit 400 two or three times over my career if it wasn’t for your maple bar goodness. You are sick.
DONUT: So, it’s gonna be like that. Man. I thought we were bros. You gotta remember that Sunday back in ‘94 in St. Louis when me, you, and eleven of my friends had breakfast together. Those were the days. You weren’t calling me sick back then.
GWYNN: Look. That was a tough day. I thought we had a pact to never mention those indiscretions publicly. You’ll remember I had an 0 ‘fer the night before, and you know my penchant for drowning my sorrows on the road with a dozen of you fucks.
Man, this was supposed to be my day. About me! Get lost!
DONUT: Alright. Fine. But don’t you come crying to me when we’re back in San Diego after this weekend’s hoopla has subsided. You can go suck down bagels from this point forward, for all I care. Thanks for the memories!
