Archive for the ‘Wimbledon’ Category

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With fuzzy little yellow balls being smacked around at Wimbledon this month, officials have become fed up with flying rats…umm….pigeons dumping on the spectators.  So, as a deterrent, flying marksman….umm…hawks…had been deployed to scare the shitting menace from the sky.  But…it didn’t quite work.  So, real marksman have been hired to shoot the crappin’ beasts from the area.

The hawks are our first line of deterrent, and by and large they do the job,” Wimbledon spokesman Johnny Perkins said.

“But unfortunately there were one or two areas where the hawks didn’t deter the pigeons, so it was deemed necessary to take a harder approach,” he explained.

The marksmen were summoned by Wimbledon as pigeon droppings on the restaurant tables were thought to be a health hazard.

The decision to call in the marksmen was condemned as “cruel and illegal behavior” by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, which complained to the tournament organizers and the police.  [Story]

And you thought PETA would turn a blind-eye, didn’t ya? That maybe a more lenient PETA might just realize that flying rats are a scourge on our society…that the shitting bastards shouldn’t be allowed to shit, crap, and disease lay all-over the place.  But, nooooooo…apparently PETA feels pigeons should live on the Earth, unscathed like all God’s creatures, and that we should be relegated to vegan-pigeon substitute product on our dinner tables!  Sick PETA bastards!




MARTINI HINGIS TESTS POSITIVE FOR COCAINE AT WIMBLEDON 

The Martini Hingis tennis comeback ‘feel good story’ has been derailed.  It was revealed on Thursday that the five-time Grand Slam champion tested positive for cocaine at Wimbledon this past year, on the same day she lost a straight set match in the third round.  She denies that she’s ever taken drugs and will immediately retire, rather than face a mandatory two-year ban to be levied by the World Tennis Association:

I am frustrated and angry,” the 27-year-old Hingis said at a news conference in Zurich, Switzerland, her voice breaking as she fought back tears. “I believe that I am absolutely, 100 percent innocent.”

“I find this accusation so horrendous, so monstrous, that I have decided to confront it head-on by talking to the press,” Hingis’ statement said. 

…although the formerly No. 1-ranked Hingis said she’s retiring in part because she doesn’t want to spend years dealing with the legal process.  [LINK TO STORY]

I like this strategy.  Run and retire, yet tell the world you’re going to “face it head on”.  It makes perfect sense and is completely rational, since it doesn’t indicate any guilty when you cower under pressure and quit when accused of something bad.  Right?  Damn, she must have a fantastic PR machine running that Hingis bus.   

The best way to confront allegations involving cocaine is to keep on, keepin on and face the music, while continuing your profession.  I learned this from a friend of mine, a famous Cuban who once said:

What you lookin’ at? You all a bunch of fuckin’ assholes. You know why? You don’t have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin’ fingers and say, “That’s the bad guy.” So… what that make you? Good? You’re not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don’t have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.   [LINK TO MY FRIEND]