Terrible. You just plain suck as a head coach. Just pathetic and what really sucks about how bad you suck is that you don’t know that you suck. Well….Norv. Baby. You f’n suck! The suck-meter is pegged out. If you have sewing needles near, poke ‘em in your eyes… then suck on them. Nearby pliers? Yeah, consider a yank to the gonads to sober you up from your suck denial. You should take up drinking. Piss yourself until your pants are sopping wet. We’d feel sorry for you and — at least — say you suck because you’re a drunk, not because you just suck.
I did some research to come up with other coaches in history that suck more than your lame ass. It was difficult, because you suck such a high hard one…..it was rough, tough, suck pickings….but, below is a list of potentially suckier coaches over the years:
Dennis Hopper – Hoosiers
This drunk was in the Norv ballpark of suckiness, and just slightly worse because he pissed himself and showed up at his kid’s game hammered, in front of a full gym….and was hospitalized with the shakes. That sucks. I wish Norv would do that at Qualcomm so we could run him off. Maybe after a few more despicable losses he’ll just randomly urinate when discussing how bad his coaching sucks.
Steve Martin – Parenthood
If you recall, Steve Martin played the father of that kid who had anxiety issues and couldn’t catch a fly ball. Yeah, he sticks the sucky kid in right-field anyway and the kid drops an easy fly ball to lose a game. Ring a bell Norv? Special teams suckiness Just throw the guys out there and see what happens. Both strategies suck. Though, the kid on Xanax in right field might take the suck-cake.
Billy Bob Thorton – Bad News Bears
You suck as an actor. And you banged that stick fig chick…what’s her name? Oh, that’s right…..Angeline Pitt. Yeah, that sucks. I’m sure the scabies are gone by now. And Walter Matthau blew you away in the role of Buttermaker….he was a much better mentor, drunk, coach…..but you’re probably just slightly better than Norv. Because Norv just sucks.
Cobra Kai – Karate Kid
Your dojo just plain sucked. You can’t train Johnny Lawrence to take down Daniel LaRusso in the All Valley Tournament?! Pathetic. And sucky effort. You’re “strike first, strike hard, no mercy” strategy was a real winner! You should throw “and suck later” to that slogan. And to top it, Mr. Miyagi throws the whip-ass on you after the tournament?! Pretty impressive brand you got there…AND you couldn’t get a 17 year-old to sweep a leg…really?!
But, nonetheless, Norv’s got you whooped here…cause. Norv. YOU SUCK.